small talk

i dont care for small talk

ive told my husband this 1000 times

its just something ive never cared for and its something i do everyday with my job

i dont want a q & a when i get home

i sit and think all day at work

he was asking me questions and i can tell hes trying and then i asked him something simple

"do you know my friends name who i hung out with today?" he couldnt answer it

he is probably going to be upset with me for a while

nothing new nothing shocking

i think he is upset that im not swooning over him again and this minimal effort

i dont mind talking about my day

and doing the small talk

with someone who will remember the small details

i truly have so much to say all the time

but how can you not remember my friends names

how are you so comfortable to judge my friends based on someone elses opinion of them when that someone is known for their issues and causing drama

why is it so hard to remember the small things

and why does he make me feel so crazy for wanting something so simple

hes going to bring up us not having sex soon i can feel it

and ive told him time and time again if there is no emotional connection then i just cant do it

and there is currently not one

i do not trust this change or this effort as the moment he is upset with me it will go out the window

i just

cant humor his small talk

why ask me about my day when you wont remember and why would i give you the benefit of the doubt when it has gotten us nowhere

i can not change things until other stuff is sorted out

i must bite my tongue

and smile

and do the things i wished he do for me

why must i tell him how to clean the kitchen

why do i have to double check if we actually need something in the house because he didnt really look

i do mental work all day

i think all day

and then i get home and i have to think about my words and my tone and me in general

i feel

small

im tired