Red flag or consideration???
I'm fairly new to "dating" (for a lot of different reasons that aren't relevant here) and I'm trying to gauge if an interaction I had recently was a red flag or not.
Someone (we'll call him Bill) expressed very specific interest in taming my bratty side, that's definitely something that appeals to me, as I love being a brat and I love giving a challenge. So Bill asked if he could take me on a proper date in the hopes of coaxing my "submissive side" out. I told him he could take me out but it'll take more than just that to coax anything out of me. Bill suggests a bar that's close to his house so we could (quote) "curl up close and chat, and go back to his place for more privacy" I said I wasn't doing that because I don't like bars and we're not "curling up close" on a first date. Bill suggested a different dinner spot and asked about meeting at 530. I said that sounded like fun but I technically would need to meet at 7. Bill hits me with "I typically prefer a drink and a sit down dinner for a first date so we can gauge attraction, and if that's not going to work no worries"
I'm overall feeling really confused about the interaction because that's not the energy he was starting out with? Like is this a red flag or is he putting in the effort to meet me where I'm at?
If you read that whole novel, thank you in advance 😝😅
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Gurl did you end up going on the date?
Yes I went last night! It was actually so much fun!!! There wasn't any weirdness or anything!
Gurl is your other guy upset? I hope you don’t have to make a tough choice between the 2.
Oooh heavens no!!! He isn't upset at all!!! I don't anticipate having to make that choice anytime soon but if I'm being totally honest it wouldn't be a hard one 👀 🤫
gurl wow that is sooo good! Maybe have both. 🌹🤷♀️
Hahaha yesss that's what I'm sayinggggg!!! I appreciate you!!! 🥰❤️
This def reads closer to red flag than consideration by a decent bit. Seems like he flipped out over the 7pm thing which confuses me because you’re still down for dinner, just at a different time.
Seems like he’s looking for something casual (nothing wrong with that), just depends if that’s also what you’re looking for
I really appreciate you! I have been really trying to weigh out if it's enough of a red flag to fully cancel the dinner. We're supposed to go to a little Mexican place tonight, I think I'll just make sure to have extra safety precautions in place, as well as being really cautious of any other red flags. I will leave in the middle of dinner if shit gets weird or uncomfortable!
I'm in a place where I would typically prefer something more casual but I still want it to be fun and safe ya know?
Good luck!
Seems like he's not taming you hard enough 😅 He wants to take you on a date and get to know you better ☺️ Now it's up to you if that floats your boat.
(giggling at the start of your response because you're probably right 🤭)
I really appreciate your perspective on it!!! ❤️ Thank you! 🥰
Do you want to be "tamed"? Or did you just want what you see as the back and forth as to who is dominant? I could be reading more into this than the is but from your description, he appears to be one who wants to be dominant and only he is the dominant one.
I should add; the switch up from "let's go to the bar and then back to my place" to "I want to start off small and see if there's attraction" is more specifically what scared me.
I think your instincts were correct. My understanding of what a Dom does is that they work with the submissive for what is best for the submissive (something I read, could be wrong) not necessarily what the submissive wants. Did he seem that way or was he more it's his way only
What you read is pretty close to spot on! What the submissive wants should be a part of the thought process for sure, and it still might not be the decision that is made.
This was a really good thought point too! It seemed like he was trying to work with me, at least at first!
Good luck then, just stay safe
Thank you for asking, honestly!
It's an experience that I am open to, however it's not just a switch that gets turned off as soon as someone calls themself a dom.
It would be okay if he wanted to be the only dominant one, and within a safe power exchange dynamic a true dom understands the work and process that goes into the trust building in the beginning especially.
All this to say; yes I would like to be "tamed" it's just not going to be an easy process (and I did tell him that initially)
Girl follow your heart. Brat and tame you sounds like a domination type relationship. I don’t know a lot about how that works. Just be careful okay.
You are so real for this and I adore you!!!
I have a pretty solid understanding of the dynamics, I would personally love to find the right/safe one. It's also just not an easy or overnight thing, ya know?
From what I know about @ValerieXiong from here, she prefers to be the dominant one 😂
You are somewhat right but trust me some days I wish my man would pick my whole day from what I wear to where we go to what we do but I know he would be like huh. 🤣 @lilslipperypup is actually talking a true Dom/sub and it can get pretty dark from what I have heard. As crazy as you can’t use the bathroom unless the dom says yasss! Gurl is that what you are looking for?
Wait so you decide where to go and what to do?
Sometimes yes lol
Ooooh heavens no 🙂↔️ I mean, I do have a desire for a true dom/sub dynamic but it has to be an ethical, healthy, safe situation. Finding a safe/healthy/true dom can be a crazy struggle especially these days! It's a lot of abusers who try to call themselves doms!!!
Ughhh gurl I hate abusive man. I hope you find what you are looking for.
You're so sweet!!! ❤️ I'll keep ya posted for sure! 😜❤️
Yes! Our initial date honestly went really well! There wasnt any weirdness or anything! We ended up taking a walk and he even made sure to grab his own water so he didn't have to ask for mine! (the bar is in hell 🤣) However when it came time to plan a second date, Bill did end up getting blocked 😝 so overall I'm glad I went, it was a nice time and I'm glad things went the way they did overall! Thank you for asking! 🥰
I am laughing my ass off on the water part. What kinda dates have you going on? 🤣
Ah, on to the next, lots of guys out there haha
Hahahaha 🤣 no that's fair! I still laugh about it! I'm an active person so after a dinner date I'll take a walk, if the vibe is right I'll ask the person I just ate with if they wanna walk with me. The amount of people who try to share my water on these walks does blow me away 🤣 I'm a thirsty bitch I brought enough for ME! 🤣
Definitely plenty of fish in the sea!!!
You are hella sweet for that!!! 🫂❤️ I haven't quite yet! But who knows what the future holds!!! 🥰
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