Nightmare

I just woke up from a really sad dark nightmare. Too realistic. All the places I’ve lived at where I could feel the sadness of each one growing up,they were all like blended together just on different streets and time warps when I would move. It started with it being night and I woke up in a room I was randomly worried about my little sister where she was (she is far away living with mom in a different country ,miss her to death) then running around just to see her wake up in the same bed I was in but on the end of it and saying she was still there(family members would share beds but sleep at a distance). Okai then randomly I was at a snowy setting I guess I had a contruction job at one point and then had a pet pig I was taking care of (I never owned a pig lol) I was giving it water etc. Later woke up again in that bed and room from the beginning and I had the sense I knew my sister was with my cousin and then I went to a balcony and it was like little homes connected it have roofs of ancient village china vibes but kinda ghetto, I see my military Ex and he looked sad…he’s just looking down contemplating and then jumped but landed on the same roof level of his balcony since the roofs would slope and it was breaking. I yelled and felt like I was gonna cry and told him to stop and to please not do it, a lady near his balcony saw and looked me in the eyes and told me she’ll handle it and to get help, I ran out the room down the stairs but I left the water on, so I ran back up but then felt stupid and said f it and kept running I go outside the door and boom..childhood home front porch , where I lived when my parents were in jail and deported (with my aunt and a bunch of cousins in one house) I see a tablet on the porch and I knew it was my sisters and I random guy comes back from a run and I tell him he inspires me to lock in hence I grew up fat then starving myself and random crap,he thanks me etc but I focus again and start running away to get to my ex and randomly the street morphs into when I lived in Dominican Republic and my cousin and her best friend I went to class with over there we’re on mopeds laughing and almost ran over me (people used to laugh at me there for not having a moped, it was thing there idk I couldn’t afford one even though we were all poor) and I keep running just to wake up …:( I guess I was too late. Should I contact and check up on him, he was emotionally closed off ,hated himself . One time got drunk and confessed how he was suicidal, he is in the Army and was an amazing boyfriend but not emotionally open with me , I have my own mental probs and made the relationship hell and we broke up so many times then cut off contact and got back together . I even have a tattoo dedidcated to his fave number (444 tattoo) but he hated not seeing all 4 4’s with his OCD of even numbers. I cut off contact with his not too long ago completely after moving off a line he got me on with his plan and getting me a new phone when we were in a relationship last year. He paid of the phone and would text me reminder to send him my part since we are exes. I have my own plan now but that dream left me with a heavy pit in my chest and on the verge of wanting to cry. I know he’s probs okay, I saw someone on the train that looked exactly like him hat,tatts,physically like it scared me…I swear it was him?z. But even if it was I kept my distance , he said he hated the train and had a car so like idk, should I check in him? Nah right? He has a best friend that was there for him which caused one of our fights, he met the dude when we were broken up and claims he’s married etc but I saw signs and pictures and signs the guy was most likely not married and probs into men like us,,,,and military men lie a lot, The argument was caused when he worked a reallyyyy long ass 2 days on the base and couldn’t visit me after like he promised and I was super clingy (hate myself for it, have realized I was weird and grew out of it) then I told him he “wasn’t letting me in) more and he replies “You don’t understand me like he does, you’re not in the military ,he’s my best friend he gets it” …bish I blew up and blacked out (was in the shower on this phone call with him) and just did what I usually do and ruined it with my blacking out and emotions taking over me and then cried because he wanted to break up(this has been happening growing up, I would black out of anger and panic and say terrible things or break stuff) anyways yeah imma go back to sleep this is tooo long sorry. Should I check up on him or just move on and hope for the best?